to be honest, these days I feel so gloom. many things seem to get far far way from me.

friends. academic (yes, that shitty final project). family.  love.

I feel alone. eventhough I am surrounded by many people.

I feel like invisible.

I feel like abandoned.


I hate being feeler. then, keep that feelings by myself. such a masochist.

kamu kok seneng banget sih nyakitin diri sendiri‘, once someone said (hello there, if you read this 🙂 )

daripada nyakitin orang lain?‘ I said to myself.

I’m just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out, it’s bringing me down
I know I’ve got to let it go and just enjoy the show

~ Lenka (sorry, in the mood of her 😀 )

alone isn’t always lonely. but sometimes, IT IS.

pic from there.


Trouble is a Friend

Trouble he will find you no matter where you go
No matter if you’re fast, no matter if you’re slow

The eye of the storm or the cry in the mourn
You’re fine for a while but you start to lose control

Trouble is a friend but trouble is a foe
And no matter what I feed him he always seems to grow
He sees what I see and he knows what I know

So don’t forget as you ease on down the road

He’s there in the dark, he’s there in my heart
He waits in the wings, he’s gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine

So don’t be alarmed if he takes you by the arm
I won’t let him win, but I’m a sucker for his charm

Trouble is a friend, yeah trouble is a friend of mine

Oh how I hate the way he makes me feel
And how I try to make him leave, I try

Oh oh, I try!

Trouble is A Friend – Lenka


Blah Blah Blahs


bertemu beberapa orang, berkenalan, sering ketemu, sering ngobrol, sering nongkrong, sering maen, sering saling mencela, sering curhat-curhatan, sering tukar kabar. singkat kata, AKRAB.

but, could that condition defined as ‘close’?

in some case, when you call them ‘close friend’, indeed they don’t think that we are that ‘close’. and that’s annoying. that hurts.

then I just could blame myself for being too sensitive and too feeler and too naive. what else I can do?

now I’m trying stay on the line I’ve been through with them. and have some self introspection.