ah, it’s good to be back. *dadah-dadah Tony Stark*
that 26 days I’ve been like, I don’t know. antara bingung, linglung, kadang-kadang excited, kadang-kadang kepengen marah, bingung lagi, linglung lagi, excited lagi, been surprised (like, a lot), kepengen marah-marah lagi, dst. I let go some opportunities, kinda regreted it a while but then I try to find other chances and move on. I tried and failed. felt devastated for a while, but I should move on.
I had dilemas. I realized that I’m not that mature enough to make decisions. somehow, I’m still influenced by others. I think too much.
facing the dilemas, the only options are: “why should I?” and “why not?”
I usually think the “why should I?” first, not the “why not?” ones. then, it always ends to “why sould I?” and “what if?”. I still think I can’t hold the risks. meanwhile, the clock is ticking faster and suddenly it’s the end of the year, again. gosh, it’s December already! (drinking)
that 26 days away from home, I learned a lot. everything about life. everything about future. I met people I was dying to meet. disturbing her for twice. thanks a lot, tante. you helped me much. I should pay back that to you, remind me 😀
and yet, it gets me closer to my big family, my relatives. they helped me a lot, too. spent a lot of time and money for me hihihihihi. well, I never felt this close to my relatives since my family usually moves from one town to others. we just met once a year when Lebaran and I never visit them without my parents before. so, meeting them in their daily life, that’s incredible.
also, I got to feel how crap is Jakarta! balik ke Jogja, kayaknya udah berasa nempel banget itu macetnya hahahahah. tiba-tiba kangen aja (WHAAATTT?), biasanya saya memandangi mobil-mobil di sekitar, memandangi gedung-gedung tinggi di Jakarta, lah begitu balik Jogja, where are they? dari stasiun ke rumah cuma makan waktu 10 menitan. sementara di Jakarta, ngantri keluar tol aja bisa setengah jam sendiri :)) watching the street’s full of cars and the high-rise buildings are my entertainment when stuck on the traffic (yea, selain dengerin sopirnya si mamang cucurhatan sih hahahah).
somehow, macet is not that bad. kita jadi punya waktu banyak untuk lebih dekat dengan orang-orang yang sama-sama stuck di dalam mobil, ngobrol macam-macam, menimpali macam-macam, dan sesekali mendengarkan curhatan mereka yang bergerilya di balik setir :))
seperti yang saya pernah lontarkan di Twitter, tahun 2010 ini ngebut sekali ya, temans. berasa ga sih? mungkin remnya blong :)) speaking of the year, I remember my plans back in the beginning of this year. ah I think I just want to let God surprises me. I’m wishing more and more surprises this month and next months ahead. I don’t really like surprises, but He’s the boss. I keep trying to follow His lead.
PS: I feel sucked in writing, even for this blog. errgghhh. should practice more.