myself – Visceral Verity

From Dear Papa Project

Good morning, Bapak. Have a good day, and take care. I never out of my pride for you. I will always tell everybody, you are the greatest father in the world. (some words from my letter to my dad)

berawal dari sebuah twit random (hell yeah, Twitter!) yang mengarahkan saya kepada sebuah link berjudul Dear Papa ini. waktu itu sekitar bulan Februari, kira-kira di tengah-tengah hawa cicintaan, maklum menjelang valentine. saya malah sedang frustrasi-frustrasinya memikirkan masa depan saya *taelah, masa depaaaann* dan membuat saya berkali-kali teringat dan memikirkan bapak saya. many things I wanna tell him, many feelings that I want him to know. heck, I don’t have ANY GUTS to tell it in front of him. I just can’t tell it (if you know my dad, you’ll know why).

saya pikir, dengan menuliskannya ke dalam surat, perasaan saya mungkin bisa terlukiskan (wetsaahh). saya langsung memutuskan untuk mengikuti proyek ini. suratnya selesai dalam dua jam. baru mulai ngetik aja saya udah mewek. kalo saya buka-buka lagi, saya pasti bakal mewek lagi (tears)

saya menulis suratnya dalam bahasa Inggris. iya, saya memang sok keminggris (wis keminggris, sok meneh. combo), sok mikir kayak bule. soalnya saya lebih enak mengungkapkan perasaan saya dalam bahasa Inggris. saya sendiri juga ga tau bapak saya bakal paham apa engga *ditoyor sama bapak*

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INTP: Introvert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving.

CHARACTERISTICS.

INTPs are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who tend to spend long periods of time on their own, working through problems and forming solutions. They generally balk at attempts by others to convince them to change. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and the politics prevalent in many professions. INTPs have little regard for titles and badges, which they often consider to be unjustified.

they can demonstrate remarkable skill in explaining complex ideas to others in simple terms, especially in writing. On the other hand, their ability to grasp complexity may also lead them to provide overly detailed explanations of simple ideas, and listeners may judge that the INTP makes things more difficult than they need to be. To the INTPs’ mind, they are presenting all the relevant information or trying to crystallize the concept as clearly as possible.

INTPs are driven to fully understand a discussion from all relevant angles. Their impatience with seemingly indefensible ideas can make them particularly devastating at debate. When INTPs feel insulted, they may respond with sudden, cutting criticism. While INTPs experience emotions as an important part of their internal lives, and sometimes share their emotions with others, INTPs nevertheless believe that emotions must not play a role in logical discussions, or be expressed in a way that would put themselves at disadvantage.

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26 days away from home.

ah, it’s good to be back. *dadah-dadah Tony Stark*

that 26 days I’ve been like, I don’t know. antara bingung, linglung, kadang-kadang excited, kadang-kadang kepengen marah, bingung lagi, linglung lagi, excited lagi, been surprised (like, a lot), kepengen marah-marah lagi, dst. I let go some opportunities, kinda regreted it a while but then I try to find other chances and move on. I tried and failed. felt devastated for a while, but I should move on.

I had dilemas. I realized that I’m not that mature enough to make decisions. somehow, I’m still influenced by others. I think too much.

facing the dilemas, the only options are: “why should I?” and “why not?”

I usually think the “why should I?” first, not the “why not?” ones. then, it always ends to “why sould I?” and “what if?”. I still think I can’t hold the risks. meanwhile, the clock is ticking faster and suddenly it’s the end of the year, again. gosh, it’s December already! (drinking)

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